Filling the Void
by SoreWaHimitsuDesu1
Summary: In the fourth grade Calvin lost his best friend, and a week later Susie lost hers. 5 years later, Calvin is back, and he's still not over it. What can Susie do? R&R please in midst of rewrite, ch.1 now
1. Change

Filling the Void  
  
By Sorewahimitsudes  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Duh. It's called "fan" fiction, right? Means, I like it, but I am not the owner or creator. There.

Author Note: Ahh I have been gone too long. And since I've been gone, I've noticed that my writing style was pretty bad before. So I'm fixing this story up. Everything redone. Don't worry, same story, the rewrites won't take that long. I am so sorry about my absense and abandonment of this story, please forgive me!

I could never understand him. It certainly wasn't for lack of trying. I wanted to understand him. I really did. I wanted to know why he was the way he was. Why did he always have to be so mean to me? Why did he have to be so strange? Why did he have to be so... disconnected? He was always off in his own little world. He didn't have any real friends at all. There was that stuffed tiger though...  
  
Hobbes, he called it. A very odd name for a stuffed toy. He took it everywhere when we were younger, ever since he "caught it". It was his best friend. I think he even believed it was alive. He and Hobbes had their own little club. They called it G.R.O.S.S. I forget what it stood for exactly, but it wasn't a great acronym. I think the last "S" stood for "girlS." Anyway, he and Hobbes would sit in their treehouse every day, planning how they would torture me.  
  
I was the only kid in the neighborhood that he associated with. I was six years old, new to the neighborhood, and very lonely. I had hoped to have at least one friend. It never really worked out though. He was constantly tormenting me. Throwing water balloons at me; snowballs in winter; making fun of me, grossing me out at lunchtime, anything he could to scare me away. I think he was nice to me once. One day, I was walking down the street when I saw something. It was Hobbes. He was a bit torn up, and looked as though a dog had been chewing on him, but despite the dampness I picked him up and took him home. I had always wondered what was so fun about this stupid stuffed tiger, so I decided to have him play tea party with my dolls and me; I figured I could return it later. So, right in the middle of my tea party, Calvin comes along, "Hey Susie..." All of a sudden he's hugging me and saying "OHTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!" I guess he was happy that I had found Hobbes. I pretended that I didn't know it was his tiger so he wouldn't get mad at me for not returning it to him, I didn't want to ruin the moment.  
  
Calvin and Hobbes. They were a team, and I was always the odd one out, no matter how hard I tried to get him to like me.  
  
One day, something happened. We were in the fourth grade. It was a beautiful March day. I was all set, ready for whatever he had in store for me that day; a disgusting story about his lunch, a barrage of spitballs, whatever. I was ready. But Calvin never came. I assumed he was just sick, and at the end of the day I got his homework from our teacher, Mr. Screwtape, and went to his house. I never would have expected what happened there.  
  
I knocked on the door, and Calvin's mother answered. She had dark circles around her eyes and looked exhausted and worried about something. She seemed more edgy than usual, but when she saw me her expression changed. She was happy to see me. Now, this wasn't unusual. Calvin's mother had always liked me; I was like the daughter she never had and wished Calvin had been. But instead of just happiness, the look was of relief.  
  
"Oh Susie! Thank God you're here!" She said and pulled me inside.  
  
"I came to give Calvin his homework." I told her.  
  
"Yes, yes, Susie," She said urgently, ignoring what I had said, "I need you to do me a favor."  
  
"What is it?" I wondered. My stomach did a flip and my heart sunk.  
  
"Something is wrong with Calvin." She told me, "I need you to go upstairs and see if you can find out what it is and try to help him feel better. He..." she paused, "Well... He will listen to you."  
  
"Um... Ok." I headed up the stairs, with no clue at all about what was going on or what I was going to do. I looked around and found Calvin's room (I hadn't seen Calvin's room before but it was easily recognizable, with signs that read "Calvin's Room, All Trespassers Will Be Eaten" and "Beware of Tiger" on the door.). The door was closed, but unlocked. I slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open, and it creaked as I did so. "Calvin?" I said in a voice no louder than a whisper. The room was very dim; lit only by cracks of light shining through the nearly completely shut curtains.  
  
"Susie?" Calvin squeaked. He was sitting on the floor by his closet, staring at his tiger, who lay on the bed. His eyes were red, and his face was tearstained. "Go away." He sniffled loudly and cupped his face in his hands.  
  
I had never seen Calvin cry before, and the sight of it frightened me even more. Something had to be seriously wrong. I was certainly not going to just leave him. I knelt down beside him, and placed a shaky, but hopefully comforting, hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Calvin?" I asked softly.  
  
He smacked my hand away and remained silent, emitting stifled sobs every few seconds, like he had the hiccups.  
  
I was not about to give up so easily, "Calvin, something is wrong. Please tell me. I'm not gonna make fun of you or anything. I just want to help."  
  
He looked up at me. I'll never forget that look. He looked... drained, like his soul had been sucked out of him. His eyes were puffy and red and dark circles were starting to form around them, I think he had been crying all day. Also, I sensed something different about him... a sort of loneliness. Calvin took a long shuddery breath and whispered, "There's something wrong with Hobbes."  
  
I blinked. The tiger? All this over the tiger? What on earth could be wrong with a stuffed animal? But something told me I needed to take this seriously. After all, to Calvin, Hobbes wasn't just a toy. Hobbes was his only and best friend in the world. "What's wrong with Hobbes?" I asked Calvin, choosing my words carefully.  
  
"He isn't talking to me. He's just laying there... Like a stuffed animal or something. Like he's not real. Like he's... dead." Calvin's eyes filled up again, "I think Hobbes is dead."  
  
Hobbes was... dead? How could a stuffed animal be dead? I looked up at the tiger on the bed. Well... he wasn't moving. Wait, what was I thinking? He never moved. He was never alive anyway! Did Calvin truly believe that Hobbes was real?  
  
I suddenly found my self in an embrace. Calvin was hugging me and sobbing openly. It was heartbreaking, it really was. I wanted to cry too, but I couldn't. I had to help Calvin. It wouldn't do him any good if I was crying too. I hugged him back and tightly as I could for a long time, rocking him gently, trying to soothe him. Despite the overwhelming sadness, it felt kind of good. I liked that Calvin trusted me. I wouldn't admit it, but I liked him hugging me too. I sort of wished he would be more open with me like this on a regular basis, that he would show his feelings to me more.  
  
Calvin let go, almost hesitantly, as if he didn't want to or was unsure of it, and he stared back up at Hobbes. "What do I do?" he wondered aloud.  
  
"If Hobbes is..." I hesitated for a moment, "...Dead... Should we bury him? Or something?" I wasn't too sure what people did when their toys/imaginary friends "died." That was all I could think of.  
  
He got a pensive look on his face for a moment. Then he sighed, "No," he said, "Do you think you could take him?" I blinked. Me? Take Hobbes? "Take him to my house?"  
  
"Yes. I don't want him anymore." Calvin sounded distant and detached. There was no emotion in his voice.  
  
"Ok..."  
  
We put Hobbes in a big cardboard box, and I took him home that afternoon, after giving a big hug to Calvin, who lacked the energy to protest.  
  
I thought everything was going to be alright after that. Maybe Calvin and I would be friends finally. But by the next week, Calvin was sent away to live with his uncle Max. I didn't see him again until five years later....


	2. Reality

Filling the Void Ch 2  
  
By SoreWaHimitsuDesu  
  
Authors Note: Rewrite of Chapter 2, yay. Again, sorry. I'm trying to get new chapters up too.  
  
He hadn't even said goodbye to me. That was the worst part. Couldn't he have at least said something? Didn't he know how it would affect me? I suppose he didn't. Calvin was never very good at caring about anyone but himself. And that stupid tiger.  
  
Maybe he just lost it after Hobbes "died." He never was very sane to begin with. Perhaps the loss of his only friend caused him to fall deeper into the madness that was in his mind. I mean, come on, the kid talked to a stuffed animal for cripes sakes! Ok, I'll admit, when I was little I talked to my dolls, but I never believed they were really alive and they never talked back. Well, maybe Calvin was just lonely. But I was lonely too! And you never saw me having actual conversations with inanimate objects, being beaten up by bicycles or dressing up like some kind of superhero! Man... I missed him... I would have given anything to have Calvin back.  
  
Years flew by. Or should I say, crawled. They were extremely boring. I guess I became sort of depressed after Calvin left. I thought, maybe if I had tried a little harder to be nice to him, he wouldn't have left. I was constantly beating myself up about it. I stopped talking to most people, I didn't do as well in school. My mother, who was always very supportive of me, took me to a psychiatrist. The man hardly even looked at me before writing me a prescription. I had to take these little white pills two times a day. Supposedly my depression was caused by some chemical imbalance in my brain. But I knew what was wrong and I think my mother did too.  
  
Every once in a while I would look inside my closet and see that cardboard box. It haunted me. For some very odd reason, I was almost afraid to look inside. As if Hobbes was really dead and rotting in there. Don't be silly, I told myself, It's just a toy.  
  
So one day, in the sixth grade, I pulled the box out from beneath all of the clothes and shoes and whatever else had accumulated on the closet floor in the last 2 years and I opened it. I turned the box over, and out fell Hobbes. His black beady little dolls eyes stared up at me, and I was filled with overpowering hatred. I hated him. I hated a toy. How ridiculous could I be? But I did. I wanted to strangle it, in fact I did. I shook the stupid stuffed animal, and screamed at it. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" I yelled at it, "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO AND DIE?? YOU STUPID TIGER!!!" I threw it back into the box and threw the box back in the closet. I never looked at Hobbes again after that.  
  
I don't know what had come over me that day. Whatever possessed me to go and attack a toy? I suppose I will never truly know.  
  
After that, I decided I didn't care anymore. As far as I was concerned, Calvin had never existed. Like Hobbes had been to Calvin, Calvin was just a figment of my imagination. Even his own parents acted as though he had never existed. His father had finally gotten a dachshund like he had always wanted. I had never seen those people so happy before and it made me sick. They just threw away their only son like he was... a toy. An old worn out toy that was of no use to anyone. Then I remembered that Calvin didn't exist to me either anymore, who cared what the people down the street did.  
  
In the seventh grade, I made a couple of friends. Jade and Milan. They were different, and I suppose I was too. We all had our little problems. The three of us would just sit around making up stories about strange things that didn't make any sense, being generally weird. I guess we never wanted to be normal. Normalcy was overrated and nothing good could come of it. As long as I was being different, I wasn't feeling so depressed all of the time. It was just a way to escape reality, and I think we all knew it. It was around then that I realized that maybe Calvin knew it too. Maybe his weirdness was just an escape from the horrors of reality. Maybe he wasn't so strange after all. Despite my wanting to think about Calvin, I started to think about him more and more.  
  
I took up hobbies. A lot of them. Drawing, writing, photography, reading, whatever would distract me and keep me from thinking about Calvin. It worked for a while.  
  
I started high school with the same friends. I wasn't too excited about it. I mean, how great could it be? It was, after all, only school. Jade and Milan had a different opinion.  
  
"Oh come on, Alex! It'll be fun!" They called me Alex then. Jade decided that my real name was too plain, and that I was to go by my middle name, Alexandra.  
  
"Yeah!" Milan agreed, "It will be so cool! We can go wherever we want during lunch!"  
  
"We don't have cars." I pointed out, and she thought for a moment.  
  
"Ooh, but maybe there'll be some really cute guys!"  
  
I rolled my eyes. I had no use for "guys." They were all morons anyway.  
  
"Yeah, maybe you'll get a new boyfriend!" Jade teased and I kicked her in the shins. I had had a boyfriend in the eighth grade. His name was... Todd or something. I can't remember, and I don't want to. I never really liked him. He followed me around throughout middle school and one day finally asked me out. I didn't want to say yes, but my friends persuaded me to. I would never do that again. Ugh.  
  
"Oww." Jade whined and rubbed her legs, "Why must you be so violent?"  
  
I grinned innocently and shrugged, "Cuz."  
  
"Hmph."  
  
We were at my house at the time, hanging out for the last time before we became "High schoolers." My mother made us some popcorn and we watched movies all day. The day went by far too quickly and soon my friends had to go home. Ah, the dreaded final hours of summer vacation. Surely to be spent unconscious. What fun.  
  
I hated sleeping. Whenever I went to sleep I would dream about him. I would dream about us when we were in the first grade. I hated those dreams The strangest thing was, in all of those dreams, Hobbes would be there, but he was alive. He looked more realistic and walked around on his hind legs like a person, talking to Calvin and occasionally blowing kisses at me. I didn't want to see Hobbes, or Calvin. But, sleep was necessary, so I curled up into a small ball under the covers, closed my eyes, and eventually drifted off into those dreams. In those dreams I was happy, and that's what I hated about them the most.  
  
The first few weeks of high school went by quickly. It was kind of fun at first, but like most things it lost it's luster, and became boring. School work became harder and I gradually found it harder and harder to concentrate. Perhaps I needed to change my dosage, I would talk to Mother about it.  
  
The third week came. It seemed normal enough. I met Jade and Milan at the bus stop that Monday, we talked for about a half hour until the bus arrived. Then we would climb aboard, sit down and start talking again for about five more minutes until we got to school. Then we would get off the bus and talk on the way inside and up to first period. We never really talked about anything, just whatever odd random thoughts popped into our minds at the time. Boy, were we exciting. We sat down in the back of the classroom and waited for the final bell to ring.  
  
It did, and we waited for our teacher. It was taking longer than usual for the usual day to start, so most started talking again.  
  
"Hey Alex, who's that?" Milan tapped me on the shoulder and I looked up.  
  
"How am I supposed to know?" I asked before I saw who she was pointing to. Then I saw. Our teacher and the principal were talking by the doorway. Behind the principal stood a boy. He was about 5'7" (about 4 inches taller than me), had blonde messy hair, and blue eyes. He wore mostly black: a black t-shirt, and baggy black jeans with lots of pockets. He wore some worn out brown hiking boots. He looked sort of distracted, like his mind was somewhere else.  
  
"Mmm... he's cute." Jade said.  
  
"Come on! Save some for me!" Milan whined.  
  
I rolled my eyes again, "You two can have him." I muttered, although I wasn't too sure I meant it. He was kind of cute... and he reminded me of someone.  
  
I watched, anxious to find out who he was and where he was going to sit. Our teacher nodded a few times, whispered something to the principal, and then whispered something to the boy. She was pointing right in my direction. I froze. Oh God, he's sitting behind me?  
  
"Lucky!" Jade and Milan, who sat a few seats further up, whispered at me and I stuck out my tongue at them.  
  
I looked back only once, and got a better look at him. Agh, he looked so familiar... I racked my brain trying to think of who this new boy reminded me of. Only one name popped up in my mind: Calvin. 


	3. All Wrong

Filling the Void Ch 3  
  
By SoreWaHimitsuDesu  
  
All day I couldn't stop thinking about it. Could it really be him? No way, it couldn't be Calvin. He was gone. He hadn't existed in the first place. But what if it was him? What would I say? What if he said something to me? Did he recognize me? I didn't really look the same. My hair was longer, and that day was up in a ponytail. In the fifth grade I started getting horrible headaches in school and found it very difficult to see things from far away, so I had to get glasses. They weren't very stylish at all. Most people would say they were very ugly, really. Dark brown ovals, that really brought out the green in my eyes but made me look like a total dork. In the fifth grade I didn't care so much. I think I was starting to care that day. Up until that point I had never really cared about my looks. I wore whatever (which, that day was a green t-shirt and my favorite baggy pants with the hundreds of pockets where I would stash all of my drawing supplies), did whatever, and didn't care what anyone thought. But that day I cared. Why?  
  
By then, I was sure that it was Calvin, but at the same time I wasn't sure. It was like, I really wanted it to be him, so I was afraid that it wasn't him, that my mind was tricking me. To sum it all up, I was extremely confused. There had to be a way I could find out if it was really him. But how?  
  
I sat with Jade and Milan at lunch, at a bench outside the school. We preferred to sit outside whenever it wasn't too wet, because it got awfully hot indoors. That day was rather nice, so we ran outside and claimed our usual bench. Sometimes, a random person would come along and say "That's my bench!" Of course, they would change their mind as soon as Jade licked the part where she was sitting. She didn't seem to care about the germs. But, that was Jade. She was insane.  
  
Jade and Milan immediately began to talk about the new boy.  
  
"Ooh, I wonder who he is! Where's he from? What's his name?" Milan began wondering aloud.  
  
"I'll bet it's something really cool... like Bob!" Jade sighed absurdly and started laughing at her own stupidity.  
  
"Eww, not Bob!" Milan giggled.  
  
"It's Calvin." I found myself blurting out.  
  
"You know his name??" They both looked at me incredulously.  
  
I shrugged and took my sandwich out of my bag, "I think that's it."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I dunno." I wasn't about to tell them that I had known him, especially if I wasn't sure. I took a huge bite of my sandwich to avoid further questioning.  
  
"Calvin." Jade grinned, "I like that name. It's almost as good as Bob."  
  
Milan giggled, "I prefer Phillip." she said, "Can we change his name to Phillip?"  
  
"You can't just change people's names!" I told her.  
  
"What're you talking about Alex, we do it all the time!" Jade exclaimed.  
  
Oh yeah. Jade was right, we did do it all of the time. I mean, my name was Alex now, wasn't it? Jade always had had the amazing tendency towards being right most of the time, "Well, we're not calling him Phillip." I said stubbornly.  
  
"Why? Ohhh, I get it! Alex has got a crushy wushy on a boooooy!" Jade teased as Milan giggled madly. I kicked Jade.  
  
"I don't not!" I whined. Yeah, they're sure to believe me now.  
  
"Oooh, I was right! You liiike him don't you?" Jade continued to tease as she escaped my feet by sitting on her knees to protect her shins.  
  
"I do not!" I screamed in a voice so high pitched I annoyed myself. Milan was turning pink from all her giggling. Jade fell of the bench.  
  
"Oww, fine. Deny it." Jade said grinning evilly, "Ooh, is that him over there?" she pointed behind me.  
  
I spun around so fast I fell out of my seat, "Where?"  
  
Jade and Milan laughed histerically, "There's nothing there! You DO like him!"  
  
Urg. Evil best friends. I sat on the ground, pouting.  
  
In the corner of my eye, I saw someone. I looked over to my left and there the new boy was, taking a seat at the bench beside ours, looking sort of past us with a sort of bemused expression on his face.  
  
I froze. Jade saw what I was looking at and grinned her evil grin and covered Milan's mouth to shut her up for a minute (she still hadn't stopped laughing and her face was now red).  
  
"Ooh... there he is." Jade said quietly, "What's he staring at?"  
  
"He's probably just spacing out..." I muttered as I got back onto the bench.  
  
Milan pushed Jade back onto the ground, "Hey Alex, go talk to him!" she whispered enthusiastically.  
  
"No way!" I hissed, "I don't want to!"  
  
"I will! Jade announced. She hopped up from the ground, skipped over to the other bench and plopped down right beside him.  
  
Milan and I watched with wide anxious eyes. What was she going to do? With Jade, it could be anything.  
  
"Heya Phil!" Jade said, putting an arm around the boy's shoulder. He blinked and stared at her, very confused.  
  
"Um... hello?" he said, giving her a very odd look.  
  
"So, Phil." Jade said slowly, grinning like a Cheshire cat, "How's things?"  
  
He blinked again, then slipped out of her grasp, "Um... Ok I guess. Who are you?"  
  
"Oh, I'm just a beautiful stranger, totally in love with you!" she fluttered her eyelashes in a mocking flirtatious sort of way, "So, what do you say, Phil? Wanna go get hitched in Vegas?"  
  
"Phil" only stared at her. After a moment, he said, "No thanks," and went back to staring in the direction of Milan and me.  
  
"Shame." Jade muttered, still grinning. She waved to Milan and me, then gestured for one of us to come over.  
  
I shook my head. No way.  
  
Milan giggled and bounded over like an excited puppy, "Yes sir!" she saluted.  
  
Jade tapped "Phil" on the shoulder, "Hey, Phil! Hey buddy," she waved a hand in front of his face until she got his attention again, "My friend. Milan."  
  
Phil looked uninterested and Milan wildly shook the boy's hand.  
  
"Hello!!!!" Milan said.  
  
"So, Phil. I came over here to tell you, see my friend over there?" she pointed at me. Oh god no. No no no no NO.  
  
"Yeah?" he looked over at me.  
  
"Well, she's fallen madly in love with you as well," she said, "And she really wants to talk to you, but you know, she's shy."  
  
"Uhuh." he said.  
  
"So, could you talk to her or what?"  
  
"I'd rather not." he said.  
  
"Hmph. Fine then." Jade and Milan walked back to where I was, and grabbed me.  
  
"Noooooo!!!" I cried out.  
  
"Yeeeessss!" Jade laughed as she and Milan dragged me over to the other bench.  
  
"Phil" stared at us like we were all escaped lunatics. Usually I didn't mind. Today I did.  
  
They dumped me onto the bench, next to him, and went back to ours.  
  
After a few moments of very awkward silence, he said something, "Your friends are weird."  
  
I sat up, "Yeah."  
  
He looked at me, and seemed to be deep in thought for a while. "Do I know you?" he asked.  
  
"Um..."  
  
"Cuz you remind me of someone I used to know." he continued, "What's your name?"  
  
"Um..." I forgot my name for a moment there. Which one was I? Susie or Alex? Which should I say? "Alex." I said. "My friends call me Alex."  
  
He sort of smiled, "Your friends also call me Phil, but that doesn't mean it's my name." Ah, he had a point. Wait, did he know? "What's your real name?"  
  
"Well... it's actually Susan." I said.  
  
"I knew it."  
  
"How did you know?" I asked. I already knew the answer.  
  
"Honestly Susie," his tone changed from serious to teasing, "Are you really so stuck up? You were always such a snob, I would think you would have changed by now!"  
  
I knew he was kidding, but for some reason I still found myself getting very angry all of a sudden, "Oh, what would you know? You don't even know me!"  
  
"Ha. I WISH I didn't know you, Susie Derkins!" he said, and stood up and walked away.  
  
And I knew I was right. It had to be Calvin.  
  
"Yeah well, Calvin! It's not like you're any better! When we were younger all I ever did was try to be your friend, but the only friend you ever had was that stupid tiger! You were a brat then, and you're a brat now! I was glad when you left!" No! I did NOT mean that, aaaaugh, you idiot, shut up! I wanted to kick myself.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry I ever came back!" Calvin yelled and stomped off. 


	4. Repetitive Cycle

Filling the Void Ch 4  
  
By SoreWaHimitsuDesu  
  
Disclaimer: I forgot it for a few chapters, but anyway, I don't own anything except for maybe the plot and a couple of strange girls I made up. So you can lock Mister Lawyer back up in his little cage for some other tie. Good boy.  
  
Author's Note: The next chapter will be new! YAY! I hope it's a good one!  
  
How could we have gone back to this so soon? Calvin had just come back, and already we were fighting. Something had told me that Calvin was only trying to be nice to me. Had the tables turned? Now it seemed that I was the one being mean. What was wrong with me?? I felt awful throughout the rest of the afternoon. I even didn't say anything to Jade and Milan after lunch, or when I saw them in the hall on my way to fifth period.  
  
Then seventh period came. English. I sat in my regular seat, and then HE walked in. Oh great, not again. Was I doomed or what? Again, he was told to sit behind me. As English began, I was tense. I kept feeling like Calvin was watching me. Or maybe I was only being paranoid. Great, paranoia, add that to my list of problems.  
  
"New assignment!" Our teacher, Ms. Page, announced and I felt like my stomach has gone up into my throat. It was as though I knew what she was going to say. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to like it.  
  
"We're going to write poems!" she clapped her hands together enthusiastically, and everyone groaned. Our teacher ignored us and went on, "I'm going to give you a partner and you will have to write a sonnet about this person."  
  
"What if we don't know anything!" One kid asked.  
  
"Then you should have paid more attention in school." she replied, obviously trying to keep a straight face.  
  
Frustrated and not getting the joke, the kid continued, "I meant, what if we don't know anything about our partner?"  
  
"That's the whole point of our little project! Learn about this person! Your poems are due by Friday." Everyone groaned again. We had less than a week to write about someone we probably didn't even know. Doom....  
  
Ms. Page picked her clipboard up off of her desk and began to read off the partners, "Tommy and Candace, Jessica and Michael..." The list went on for what seemed like forever. Not Calvin. I prayed. Please please please, oh great god of partnered projects! "Calvin and Susan." Do'h! That was it. There was no god... at least there was no patron god of partnered projects. Doom....  
  
Why me? Why me? As if it wasn't bad enough, she forced partners to sit together. I begrudgingly grabbed my things and moved to the desk beside Calvin's, dropping my bag very carelessly onto the floor and slamming my binder down on the desk. We didn't say anything for a while. Most of our time was spent avoiding looking at one another's eyes. We were getting absolutely nowhere.  
  
Finally, I opened my mouth, "Well, we had better do SOMETHING if we want to get this done by Friday."  
  
Then Calvin surprised me. He laughed. It was quiet, but it was a laugh. "What's so funny?" I asked.  
  
"This reminds me of one time when we were forced to do a project together." he said.  
  
"Yeah, we're doing one now!"  
  
"No, back in the first grade. It was on Mercury. Remember?" I thought a moment. Hey, he was right. I'd thought the same thing when I had had to work with him that time too. "Why me?" But it was for a different reason I think.  
  
"I was annoying then, wasn't I?" he mused.  
  
I grinned, "Then? You mean, you aren't annoying now?"  
  
"Well... Am I?" he asked, and I shrugged.  
  
"I really don't know you." I said, "I mean, I haven't seen you in, what, five years? People can change a lot in five years." I know I did.  
  
He nodded and went back to quietly staring at nothing, thinking about something, probably. I never knew what was going on in that head of his. I shrugged and when I looked down at my desk, I found that I had been doodling. Little hearts and tigers covered the sheet of paper I had meant to use to write notes for our poems. Ack, how did that get there?? I asked myself as I began to destroy the evidence with an eraser I fished out of my back pocket. What was I thinking? No one could see this. Then it hit me. Maybe Jade was... Right... Oh, like that was big news.  
  
I hated when Jade was right.  
  
The bell rang and I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.  
  
"Hey Susie?" Calvin said and I turned around. Normally I would have corrected him, told him that I was ALEX, not SUSIE, but for some reason it didn't matter what Calvin called me. Actually, it made me feel oddly good that he called me that.  
  
"Yeah?" I said as I stood in the doorway. Calvin suddenly looked really shy.  
  
"Um... Could I... Uh... Walk you home? Er, I mean, walk home with you? I mean, not cuz I LIKE you or anything, but... I kinda live in your neighborhood, and I wouldn't wanna walk home alone with all the muggers and drug dealers and stuff running around... and..." He was babbling. It was cute, in a way.  
  
I smiled, "Sure Calvin, but not cuz I LIKE you or anything, I just need someone I can use as a shield in case one of the muggers or drug dealers has a gun."  
  
Normally, I would walk home alone, or get a ride from Jade or Milan's parents. That day, I had planned to go with Milan, but instead I saw her off and started to walk with Calvin.  
  
At first, we said nothing at all. Calvin just always seemed like he was off somewhere in his mind, daydreaming about something or thinking about something. You know how, with a lot of people, if you stand around them without saying anything, it gets really uncomfortable? Well, for some reason it didn't feel at all like that. It was like Calvin and I were old best friends. Silence between good friends is never awkward. I kind of liked just walking with Calvin and not saying anything at all.  
  
"So, why did you move?" I asked, almost afraid to break the silence after we crossed the street.  
  
"Well, after... You know, my parents just got tired of it all, I guess. I was always such a brat, and then I wasn't doing anything at all. I wouldn't come out of my room or say anything to anyone. So my parents, whom I think were planning to send me away from the beginning, sent me to live with my uncle Max. According to Dad, a few years away from home with Uncle Max would "build character" and would be good for me. In other words, I was nuts and the didn't feel like paying to put me in the loony bin, so they sent me as far away from themselves as they possibly could."  
  
"That's terrible." I said.  
  
"That's my Dad, for you. Anything I wouldn't like was sure to build character. But, could you blame them for getting rid of me? I was an terror. Who in their right mind would have wanted a brat like me in their house?" he asked, smiling sort of sadly. I would, I thought, and immediately pushed such thoughts out of my mind.  
  
"But, I'll admit, living with my uncle did do me some good. And I suppose it did build character. I like to imagine I'm not as horrible as I was."  
  
"Why..." I began, trying to say it right without giving him the idea that I cared "...Didn't you tell me you were leaving?"  
  
His eyes went wide for a moment, "Well, I guess I didn't think too much about you. I was being too selfish feeling sorry for myself and complaining about how I would hate going so much... and I guess I didn't think you cared." he said, the smiled sort of evilly, "Did you MISS me, Susie?" he teased.  
  
The comfort I had felt just moments before was gone. It was replaced with panic. My palms were sweating, and I could scarcely breathe. I had to think fast. Say something, anything, as long as it wasn't the truth. Nothing good would come of the truth, Calvin didn't need to know that I... No, I couldn't even think it... I hoped he didn't notice my hesitation; sometimes silence gives away more than words.  
  
"Me? Miss YOU? You've got to be kidding!" came from me as I laughed nervously. I hoped that he bought it. I stopped laughing abruptly and made the same evil face that he had, "Why, did you miss ME, Calvin?" he looked amused for a moment before responding in a way similar to the way I had.  
  
After we were done being stupid (Were we ever? Ah, good point. Wait, I'm talking to myself! Must... Stop... Now!) I asked him why he was back.  
  
He shrugged, "I guess I was just bored. My uncle's a great guy and all, but there isn't much to do up there. Besides, I couldn't just let my parents miss out on my teen years- they are the best ones, after all." He said, and I laughed.  
  
We stopped walking and I realized we were in front of his house. He sat on his front porch and sighed whimsically. "It's good to be back." he said, but for some reason I didn't think he was telling the whole truth. I sat down beside him and looked at the neighborhood from the porch. I saw what he saw back when we were kids. The world seemed different from Calvin's porch, but why? I took a deep breath. It was kind of nice. Smelled like autumn, and kind of like it does after it rains. I loved that smell, and that feeling.... The world seemed so much bigger from Calvin's porch... Brighter and clearer too... Was this how Calvin saw the world? I was daydreaming, I suppose, and it wasn't as though I had anything interesting to say. Suddenly it just same out, "Do you miss him?"  
  
"Miss whom?"  
  
"You know who," I said, trying to get him to figure it out on his own. I didn't want to say it.  
  
He thought a moment and his eyebrows raised with realization, "Oh."  
  
I nodded, please don't let me mess up again...  
  
He sighed again, but sadly, "I guess so... I mean, he was my best friend."  
  
"Why couldn't you have just been normal and had a REAL friend?" Where did that come from?? Again, stupid stupid me! Stupid stupid stupid stupid....  
  
"What do you mean, 'real?'" his voice raised, "Hobbes was real."  
  
I knew I was going too far, and yet I continued, "No, he wasn't. Hobbes was a stuffed animal! He couldn't talk, he couldn't DO anything!"  
  
He jumped up, "Yes he could! He was real! I didn't make him up!"  
  
"If he was real," I said, jumping to my feet also, "Then how come no one else talked to him except for you? And, another thing, real tigers don't go in the washing machine."  
  
He glared at me for a long time, his eyes moving back and forth as he stared at my face. He was thinking frantically trying to come up with a logical explanation. And I kept going.  
  
"Real tigers belong in the zoo, they don't talk to crazy little boys! They don't come to school, they don't have tea parties, they don't just lay on the ground with blank little beady eyes! Hobbes wasn't real!"  
  
Calvin continued to glower at me; continued to think.  
  
"Hobbes was a toy, a doll, a stuffed animal! And you, Calvin, were just a pitiful little crazy boy who was so desperate for a friend, he just made one up!" Oops. I went way, way too far.  
  
"Maybe I am!" Calvin shouted, "But you're just a stupid girl, so what would you know! I may be crazy, but I know Hobbes was real! And you were just jealous cuz we wouldn't play with you!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Well... well..." I was too angry to think of an insult, I picked up my book bag and started to leave.  
  
"Yeah, leave!" Calvin shouted after me, "Who needs you!" he ran into his house and slammed the door.  
  
I sniffed and rid my eyes of the tears that were forming and flooding my vision. Why did I always ruin everything with my big mouth?  
  
I stopped at the corner and looked back at Calvin's house. I wondered what he was doing in there. If he was upset as I was. Should I go apologize? No way. He wouldn't even appreciate my apology, he'd probably start yelling at me. Like it was my fault... but wait, it WAS my fault, wasn't it?  
  
I walked over to his side yard and looked up at his bedroom window. I couldn't see anything from the ground, so I put my book bag on the ground, and climbed up the tree which wasn't too far away from the window. By the time I was where I wanted to be, I was covered in scrapes and bruises, but I didn't care... Too much.  
  
I squinted my eyes and peered into his room. I could see him, sitting his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest as he stared at his closet door. Was he crying? I couldn't tell. I sort of wished I could talk to him, but I figured he was too angry with me.  
  
Just then, there was a loud CRACK. 


End file.
